i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
