There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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