you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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