Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
