Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
