a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
