Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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