Having a random hookup so left but love u
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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