It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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