Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
