Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
