All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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