Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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