I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
