I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
