the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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