i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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