this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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