did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
