Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
