In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
