It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I currently don't understand fingers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
