Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
