id be glad to
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
