Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
