i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
