I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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