did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
