It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
