he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
