The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
