this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
