what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
