just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
