I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he shaved USA in his pubs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
