my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
