my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Green mimosas i think yes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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