I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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