just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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