There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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