You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
