boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
