I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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