apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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