She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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