I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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