ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
