Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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