The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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