So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
